Clients ask: How do I respond “normally” to…
Thing is, “normal” isn’t for everyone.
As an INTJ kid there was nothing I wanted more than to be “normal”. Well, maybe to be Anti-Man, or have transporters and food replicators… but I digress. What I’ve learned is that what most people mean when they say they want to be “normal” is that they want to respond in a way that makes them feel more confident. They want to feel comfortable in most situations.
People want confidence that they responded appropriately. Whether that’s with a witty comeback, an appropriate sign of compassion, a firm stand on their values or morals, etc. They don’t necessarily want to be like everyone else, normal, they want to be secure in their responses.
Responses, being normal or abby-normal, are based in two things: Your communication abilities, and your emotional maturity. They happen to be the attributes that drive true self-confidence too. Not Ego though, that can live all on its own regardless of your maturity or capabilities and often is a sign of poor communication and emotional immaturity. Fear not, you can always improve and be a more “normal” you.
Normal me is still pretty weird. I’m an INTJ. Even with strong communication skills, and an ever-growing emotional maturity level, I’m introverted, abstract, innovative, blunt and logical, with an open mind that’s constantly searching to learn something new. Risk is my crack, and fear is a liar. Weird, eh? But it all balances out and creates a life full of happiness, success, joy, and peace because of great communication and emotional maturity. I’ve found my normal… maybe one could say I’ve created my normal. You can too.
- Appreciate yourself as-is. Understand your personality, assess your values, morals, and goals. Reflect on your areas of growth needs, like communication and emotional maturity. Respect yourself for who you are today, with a commitment that you’ll work daily on being the best you ever.
- Evolve your communication skills. Even as an introvert, I’ve learned communication is key in absolutely everything I do. It’s the foundational piece that ties all humans together. Regardless of how close you’d like those ties to be (remember, I’m an introvert), everyone needs to be understood, and for others to understand them. It is critical.
- Master your emotions. Emotional maturity, stability, and resilience are necessary in your own happiness, peace, joy, and success in life. Being quick to absorb, reflect, then respond appropriately is more powerful than flying (yes, flying would be a super-cool skill though.) Imagine going through life knowing that how others communicate doesn’t have anything to do with you. That your response is what you own, and you can always create a great and positive response. That happiness is a state of being, but that negative emotions (like sadness and frustration) are okay… tools to guide us towards action and change. Being comfortable while being uncomfortable.
Fear and stress are like hail… naturally occurring elements. It’s what you do to mitigate them (prepare) and how you handle them in the moment. The powers of emotional stability, and communication, give you a strong foundation to kick fear’s ass while being very resilient to stress. These aren’t quick or easy attributes to evolve, but everyone can improve on them greatly.
I work on this daily… do you? Would you like to? Coaching is a confidential way to learn some tools, while practicing new habits. Contact me if you’d like to schedule a free 15 minute conversation.