Ask Me Anything: July 2017

It’s that time of month again where you get to Ask Me Anything!

  1. What supplements do you take?
    1. First off, what I take may or may to be right for you. My (current) daily stack includes:
      • Vitamin C 3-10g a day
      • Qualia
      • Biotin
      • B12
      • Quercertin with Bromalein
      • Alpha Lipoic Acid
      • Piracetam
      • Saccharomyces Boulardii
  2. If a guy says he is interested but never makes a move, should I move on?
    1. Short answer, yes. Actions speak louder than words. Perhaps he’s an introvert. I’d ask him outright why he hasn’t made a move. Maybe he has religious reasons or medical reasons. Or maybe he’s just leading you on because he hasn’t decided what he does want. If it’s the latter, leave. You don’t need nor want games.
  3. Would you date an obese girl? 
    1. I wouldn’t date any girl. I don’t roll that way. Would I date an obese guy? Depends. I don’t focus on looks, like at all. Wicked intelligence, humor, emotional maturity, decent communication skills, authenticity, and ambition drive me crazy. Ideally I’d like them to be healthy too, especially since I’m a long-term planning type (INTJ). If the guy was perfect in every other way, his weight wouldn’t be a deal breaker (within reason).
  4. My boyfriend doesn’t mind buying me gifts, even flights out of town, but he won’t give me money to help pay bills, which is really what I need help with right now. Is that fair, or should he want to help with my bills? 
    1. People receive love, and give love, in many ways. You like gifts, practical gifts (bill money in this case). There’s nothing wrong with liking that… but it shouldn’t dictate what he does to demonstrate his love. Ideally, he cares enough to want to show you love in a way you appreciate, and you reciprocate in the way he prefers to receive love. Communication is the best way to clarify these thoughts and ideals. Regardless, we need to look to their actions as demonstrations of love and not judge it by our filters, but by their intentions.
  5. Is it possible to not love a sweet, beautiful, hard working and caring girl, or am I just an asshole? 
    1. You just may be an asshole… but who you find attractive is subjective and doesn’t necessarily make sense. I would recommend reflecting and asking yourself why you don’t find her attractive. Maybe you tend to be drawn to drama or women that require fixing/help. If you want to change your past habits and experiences, you will need to look to women that possess different traits than the ones in your past.
  6. What are some negatives of an INTJ personality? 
    1. This list is long. We are:
      • Logical and direct
      • Apathetic
      • Slow to trust
      • Always questioning
      • Independent
      • Needing of our alone time
      • Expect great communication or a sincere effort
      • We solve things, and we need things solved
      • We can be very awkward and odd
      • We live in the future and are always planning ahead
      • We hate surprises
      • We have very high expectations if you make it into our inner circle
      • We have very few people in said inner circle… maybe only one
      • I can go on… as we have a lot of traits others find negative. Personally, the only negative aspect about being an INTJ is that I don’t feel like I fit in with other humans.
  7. I’m an ENFP female, the INTJ I’m seeing is telling me to “leave him alone for a while, I’ll contact you”. This was after a disagreement and we are in a LDR. Should I be worried he lost interest in me? 
    1. Long distance relationships are tough, but if you’re going to have one the INTJ is the most likely to make it successful. The only cautionary advice would be that INTJs can quickly change their emotional connection to you. Read the emotional pathway post. INTJS need alone time, time to process emotions, and time to think through their next steps. If your INTJ is emotionally mature, it’s likely he would remain open to communication and just need a short amount of time to decompress. If he’s emotionally immature, chances are he’s removing himself from the relationship. My general advice, for any relationship, is to expect and value emotional maturity and communication. Anyone who doesn’t meet those needs, or makes every effort to, isn’t worth your time.
  8. People often say how much they appreciate straight talk, but are offended by it. Is it what I say or how I say it that makes me look bad? 
    1. Many people are poor communicators and often let fear dictate their responses (defensive posturing). Everyone says they appreciate the truth, but don’t listen to their words, look at their actions. If they’re not authentic, they lie, they deceive, they gossip, they’re defensive, they avoid conflict, or they generally fail to communicate towards a resolution then they do NOT appreciate “straight talk.” Instead, they will require a story constructed in a way that meets their reception needs. Read the article on Communication and Defensiveness for more detail.
  9. Should I just stop telling people how I feel about them to avoid disappointment and so that I won’t get hurt?
    1. No. That would equate to giving in to fear and living a cowardly life. Love is grand and wonderful. Embrace those feelings and encourage healthy communication. If you’re consistently getting hurt it’s one of two things: 1) you’re not mature enough for the communication and effort aspects of a relationship and you fail to contribute. Or 2) you attract people like that. Weakest link theory… don’t be the weakest link, and look for a partner, someone equally healthy and committed.
  10. How do I act confident if I don’t know the subject matter?
    1. Why would you want to? If you’re not a subject matter expert then please don’t pretend to be. No one will trust or respect you. Have confidence in what you know and freely admit what you don’t know. Be your most authentic self.
  11. As an executive I am always asked to join various company committees. Most of the time they are useless and just time spent posturing or moving a personal agenda forward, with no long-term solutions every coming to fruition. How do I change this?
    1. You cannot change the way other people think, how they think, or their level of emotional maturity. Thus you have two choices: 1) stop joining these groups that waste your time and create a stressful and frustrating experience, or 2) figure out how you can learn from, and influence, this group of people. I figure I can learn from everyone, so I try that path first. However, it comes to a point where there is nothing more to learn from certain groups and individuals. As an executive, I would encourage you to create an open communication about leadership and emotional resilience as a key attribute. Without it, your entire organization won’t evolve. You cannot change what you don’t take action on. Talk and planning is one thing, actual action towards something completely new and different is another.
  12. How do I know if I met the love of my life?
    1. Wouldn’t it be nice if people came with QR codes on their neck that you could scan and get a bunch of information on them? One data point that would certainly help is a quick assessment on whether that new person is the love of your life! Although there is no easy way to know this, the one pattern that does persist across all successful partnerships and committed love relationships is whether that person brings out your best. Do you find yourself striving to be better (and enjoying being better?) Do you learn new things from them? Do you try to improve the way you communicate? Are you trying to be healthier? Are you thinking about ways the two of you can be better together? Do you have this desire to be a “power couple”? If so, chances are this is the love of your life 🙂 You’re experiencing changes that reflect a long-term commitment and the evolution of being better, stronger, and more connected. Enjoy, and don’t screw it up!

Another Dirty Dozen, and a great set of questions… keep them coming!

Have questions? Feel free to contact me. And, if you’re interested in working with me, check out my coaching program.

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