February is Healthy Heart Awareness Month, and while other will focus on heart disease, I wanted to focus on stress and how we remain resilient. Today’s topic around stress is how we take stress out on our loved ones… and why we do this.
Ever wonder why we take stress out on the ones closest to us? How on any day we can be furious at strangers and not say a thing, yet come home and rant to the ones we hold most dear?
Why does it hurt more when someone we adore critics us, but a co-worker could say the same thing and we don’t give it a second thought?
It’s because we value and trust our partners, and we are secure in knowing they love us back.
I’ve told clients this many times: You need to worry about the day that your spouse doesn’t get jealous (etc). It means they no longer care about what you do, or how you feel.
Apathy does not exist within a partnership.
Now, before you find the holes in this… it obviously doesn’t include emotional or physical bullies and unhealthy relationships. But within healthy and loving relationships it’s that same love and trust that gives us more confidence to be angry, upset, frustrated.
We hurt the ones we love because we can.
We care more about what they do and say than we do about what anyone else does or says. Including our parents, kids, friends and co-workers.
We feel more comfortable sharing our uncivil reactions with them because we love and trust them. We expect them to be compassionate, and to stay regardless of our emotional outbursts.
Our significant others become a foundational part of who we are. Historically, referring to each other as “our other half”, we bond deeply with our partners and this grows deeper over time. This bonding gives each other peace and security, and intimate love we share with no one else. They become our go-to people for solutions, help, and security. As an open soul, we take comfort in sharing what we’d deem ugly outside this safe zone.
Although this openness is a sign of deep love, it’s not the favorite part of any committed relationship. So how do we enjoy this trust and intimacy while continuing to evolve ourselves into emotionally healthy and resilient people?
First: Always remember that love goes both ways. Regardless of what you do, or your partner does, you will love, accept and remain compassionate. Always start with a foundation of commitment, love, trust and understanding.
Second: When you see yourself expressing your ugly actions/emotions onto your partner take a step back and ask yourself if you can share the same feelings in a less aggressive way. How can you rid your body and mind of the negativity while continuing to bring love to your partnership? This is an excellent opportunity for you to practice your heart-based communication, your presence.
Love is not blind, it’s an intimate and soul-opening state of being that, when healthy, is one of our most valuable human experiences.
Use this month to make yourself more aware of this aspect of partnerships and evolve yourself to ensure a healthy heart… for you both.
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